A New Kind of Discipline Pt. 1: Kindness

The Discipline of Kindness: Forming the Heart of Christ in Community

Key Verse: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” — Ephesians 4:32 (ESV)

Kindness as Spiritual Formation

Kindness isn’t just about being polite or agreeable. It is evidence of the Spirit at work in the world (see Galatians 5:22-23). Kindness is about being formed into the way of Jesus. And the kind of formation Paul envisions in Ephesians is radically relational. It doesn’t begin with you working harder to be nice; it begins with you remembering how God in Christ has treated you.

You were forgiven when you didn’t ask for it. Welcomed when you were still wandering. Held gently when you deserved correction.

God’s  kindness rewires the soul. But it doesn’t happen by accident.

Kindness is a disciplined choice we make day after day to reflect the heart of God in our tone, our reactions, and our presence. It’s the decision to bend our inner world toward grace so that our outer world becomes a place of healing.

And if we’re honest, most of us don’t drift into kindness. We drift into criticism, sarcasm, defensiveness, and indifference.

Nice vs. Kind: What's the Difference?

Let’s name it: there’s a big difference between being nice and being kind.

• Niceness is socially acceptable behavior.

• Kindness is Spirit-formed character.

Niceness can be polished and performative. Niceness is doing or saying what’s expected to avoid conflict, gain approval, or maintain image. It’s external. Controlled. Often rooted in people-pleasing or fear.

Kindness, on the other hand, is deeply rooted in truth. It’s one of the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22). It’s not about saying what people want to hear. It’s about showing up with grace, honesty, and compassion, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Niceness avoids. Kindness engages.

Niceness says, “Let’s not make waves.” Kindness says, “Let’s love well—even if it’s messy.”

Niceness avoids confrontation. It glosses over pain. It keeps things light because depth feels risky. But kindness leans in. It tells the truth in love. It chooses compassion without compromising conviction.

Jesus was never described as “nice.” But He was kind.

He confronted hypocrisy with clarity. He welcomed sinners with warmth. He wept at funerals. He touched lepers. He forgave His executioners.

That’s not “nice.” That’s the radical, disruptive kindness of God.

The Spirit of Truth Produces Kindness

Paul connects kindness with forgiveness, humility, and truth in Ephesians 4. That’s not a coincidence.

“Speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in

every way into him who is the head, into Christ...”

—Ephesians 4:15

“Be kind to one another... forgiving one another,

as God in Christ forgave you.”

—Ephesians 4:32

Kindness grows from truth-telling love. That’s why it’s so different from niceness.

The Holy Spirit doesn’t produce surface-level smiles. He produces real fruit: kindness that is patient, resilient, and anchored in God’s character.

So What Does This Mean for Discipleship?

It means we don’t disciple people to be nice. We disciple them to be like Christ—kind, bold, truthful, and gracious. Nice churches can become brittle and artificial.

Kind churches become healing spaces.

The Kindness of God as Our Model

Romans 2:4 says, “God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance.”

Let that sink in.

It’s not God’s anger that changes us. Not His power. Not even His justice. It’s His kindness. God’s kindness leads us to life change and guides us in the greatest life we can know.

When you internalize that truth, kindness stops being a burden and starts becoming a response. We practice kindness because it’s the language of the gospel—the way God speaks to us and invites us into transformation.

When we’re kind to others, we’re giving them a glimpse of what God is like.

How to Practice the Discipline of Kindness

Here are three ways to actively form the habit of kindness in your daily rhythm:

1. Choose Gentle Words—Even in Tension. In hard conversations, practice kindness by choosing words that invite rather than accuse. You can say hard things with soft tones. That’s Spirit-led maturity.

 2. Slow Your Reactions. Kindness is often killed by reactivity. Practice a 3-second pause before responding. Breathe. Pray, even briefly: “Jesus, help me reflect You here.”

3. Make Space for Inconvenient People. Kindness stretches us to serve those who may never say thank you. The forgotten, the overlooked, the irritating. When you make space for them, you're stepping into God’s own way of relating to you.

Reflection Questions

1. When have I most experienced the kindness of God personally? How did it change me?

2. Where am I tempted to withhold kindness in my relationships?

3. What would it look like to pre-decide to speak gently today?

   
   

Prayer

Lord Jesus,

You are kind to me in every season—patient when I am slow,

generous when I am empty, and gentle when I am stubborn.

Teach me how to live from that place.

Form in me a heart that slows down to respond with grace.

Help me speak life, act gently,

and reflect Your kindness to those around me today.

Amen.