A New Kind of Discipline Pt 2: Forgiveness

Forgiveness Is a Sacred Exchange

Forgiveness is not an emotional escape or a passive release. It is a sacred exchange rooted in our relationship with God. Before it’s ever about our reconciliation with others, forgiveness is about acknowledging and responding to the forgiveness we’ve received from Him.

That’s the pattern Paul gives us: “…as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”

Jesus teaches the same in the Lord’s Prayer: “Forgive us our sins, as we also have forgiven those who have sinned against us…” (Matthew 6:12)

It’s not that we earn forgiveness by offering it, but that we demonstrate we’ve encountered it. Forgiveness received becomes forgiveness extended. But if we haven't truly received it…if we haven't wrestled with our own need for mercy…it’s nearly impossible to offer it to someone else.

Forgiveness, then, is not just a moral decision or an emotional release. It is a spiritual discipline. It must be practiced, shaped by truth, and sustained by grace. It forms us in the likeness of Christ, teaching us to let go of what binds us and embrace what sets us free.

And, for the one who is in Christ, forgiveness is not an optional engagement.

The Outflow: From Grace Received to Grace Given

Forgiveness isn’t pretending nothing happened. It’s releasing someone from the punishment you feel they owe you. Not because they deserve it. But because you didn’t — and yet God forgave you.

This doesn't mean trust is instantly rebuilt. It doesn’t mean reconciliation will always happen. But it does mean you stop carrying the debt ledger in your soul.

Forgiveness is both a decision and a process. A moment of surrender and a journey of healing. And like all spiritual disciplines, it requires practice.

Biblical Forgiveness Is Countercultural

Forgiveness, in a gospel sense, goes against every instinct of self-protection and retribution. It pushes us beyond comfort, beyond instinct, and into transformation. 

Let’s be honest—real forgiveness feels upside-down in a culture that runs on outrage, self-protection, and power dynamics. That’s because biblical forgiveness is countercultural. It doesn't operate by the world’s rules of fairness or self-justification. It reflects a kingdom ethic that begins with grace and ends in transformation.

Here’s what makes forgiveness in Christ’s way so radically different:

1. The Burden Is on the Offended

“If your brother or sister sins against you, go and tell them…” — Matthew 18:15

Jesus flips the script. In the kingdom of God, it is the offended who initiates healing. This isn't weakness; it's Spirit-formed courage.

2. Forgiveness Is Not Forgetting

“I will remember their sins no more.” — Hebrews 8:12

God doesn’t lose memory. He chooses not to hold our offenses against us. Forgiveness is not about erasing the memory, but refusing to let the memory control the relationship.

3. Forgiveness Is Costly

True forgiveness demands we lay something down. Our anger. Our demand for repayment. Our right to be right. Forgiveness costs us—because it cost Christ.

4. Accepting an Apology Isn’t Reconciliation

An apology acknowledges the offense. Forgiveness releases the judgment. But reconciliation takes mutual work, and sometimes, it may not be wise or safe. Forgiveness is required; reconciliation is conditional.

5. Forgiveness Is Not About When I Feel Ready

Forgiveness is not a feeling-based decision; it's a God-directed command. It may not be instant, but it is imminent for those who live in step with the Spirit. Delaying forgiveness for emotional readiness often deepens bitterness. Obedience softens the heart and moves us toward healing.

How to Practice the Discipline of Forgiveness

1. Begin With Prayer. Ask the Lord to show you your own need for grace. Confession softens the soul. Gratitude for His mercy prepares your heart to forgive.

“Search me, O God… and lead me in the way everlasting.” — Psalm 139:23–24

2. Name the Offense Honestly. Forgiveness isn’t forgetting. It begins by naming what happened without minimizing or spiritualizing it. Truth and grace walk together.

3. Release Retaliation. This is where the discipline begins. Release the need to get even, to prove your point, or to rehash the wound. It might help to say out loud:

“God, I release this person from my judgment and entrust them to Yours.”

4. Bless Them, Slowly and Sincerely. This may feel impossible at first, but Jesus actually commands it: “Bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.” — Luke 6:28 (ESV)

Begin by praying for their healing, their good, even if through gritted teeth. Let the Spirit do the work your emotions can’t.

Forgiveness Is Freedom

Forgiveness doesn’t chain you to the person who hurt you. It releases you from their control. It pulls the root of bitterness before it poisons your heart. It aligns you again with the heart of the gospel, where mercy triumphs over judgment.

And remember, Forgiveness doesn’t make what happened right. But it does makes you right—with God and within yourself.

Reflection Questions

• What grievance are you rehearsing in your mind right now?

• What would it look like to “release” that person in prayer today?

• How has God’s forgiveness changed how you see others?

• Is there someone you need to forgive, even if reconciliation may never happen?

  
  

Prayer

Father,

Thank You for the forgiveness You’ve shown me through Jesus.

I confess I often hold onto wounds longer than You hold onto mine.

Teach me to forgive as You forgive—fully, intentionally, and with mercy.

Help me release the people who’ve hurt me and entrust them to Your justice.

And where possible, help me move toward peace, not as a sign of weakness but as a witness to Your grace.

Amen.